Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
MCTWISTS OFF LAUNCH RAMPS PT. 2
Posted by Adam
OK, SO I STARTED WRITING THIS IN A PART ONE SEGMENT A WHILE BACK. I WAS ACTUALLY INSPIRED BY A COMMERCIAL WHICH IS HARD FOR EVEN ME TO BELIEVE, BUT TRUE. TO BRING YOU UP TO SPEED I SAW A COMMERCIAL THAT REMINDED ME OF THE FIRST DAY I REALIZED I WANTED TO SKATE AND THERE WAS NO TURNING BACK. THE DAY WENT LIKE THIS. TYPICAL MORNING AT THE KRAGER HOUSE. I'M SURE I AWOKE AND RAN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE WITH MY MOM YELLING "SLOW DOWN!" RELENTLESSLY AS I SCURRIED BY TO GET OUTSIDE AND PLAY. I WAS LIKE TEN YEARS OLD AND WHEN I WAS TEN YEARS OLD THAT'S WHAT KIDS DID, THEY WENT OUTSIDE AND FUCKING PLAYED ALL DAY UNTIL THEIR PARENTS WERE SCREAMING FOR THEM TO COME HOME, NOT LIKE THESE DAYS WHERE KIDS LEARN HOW TO CLIMB A TREE WITH THE FUCKING Wii SYSTEM.....SICKENING. I DIDNT OWN A SKATEBOARD AT THIS POINT BUT MY OLDER FRIENDS DOWN THE STREET DID AND I WOULD GO AND GAZE AT THEIR FEEBLE ATTEMPTS TO JUMP THINGS AND CREATE WHAT THEY CALLED "RAMPS" NEARLY EVERY TIME I HAD THE CHANCE. THIS DAY, THE ONE THAT STICKS OUT IN MY HEAD, I RODE MY BIKE DOWN THE STREET TO A OLDER FELLOW NAMED JAMIE PANTELLO'S HOUSE. AS I RODE UP THE DRIVEWAY I SAW WHAT I WOULD STILL DESCRIBE TODAY AS A QUARTER PIPE BUT JAMIE INSISTED IT WAS "A LAUNCH RAMP". I KNEW THAT AS SOON AS THE FINISHING TOUCHES WERE DONE ON THIS THING THAT CHAOS WOULD ENSUE............AND IT DID. JAMIE, IN EXCITEMENT, HAD A CROWD OF NEIGHBORHOOD KIDS GATHERED AND HAD US ALL HELP IN LIFTING THIS BEAST OUT ONTO THE SIDEWALK. WE PLACED THE RAMP PERFECTLY AND ALL WATCHED, WAITING FOR WHAT WAS NEXT, BECAUSE HONESTLY THEY NEVER GOT THIS FAR ON ANY OF THEIR OTHER SO-CALLED "LAUNCH RAMPS". NOW THAT I'M OLDER AND I LOOK BACK WITH AN UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT VERTICAL IS I REALIZE WHY WHAT HAPPENED NEXT WENT DOWN THE WAY IT DID. THERES A NOISE THAT THE SIDEWALK IN THE SUBURBS MAKES WHEN YOU HEAR A KID SKATING DOWN IT AND FROM THAT SOUND YOU CAN JUDGE HOW FAST THEY'RE GOING BY THE REPETITION OF CLICKS MADE BY THE WHEELS MEETING THE CRACKS. JAMIE WAS PUSHING FULL FORCE UP TO THIS RAMP AND IT JUST WASN'T ENOUGH. ONE OF THE OTHER OLDER KIDS, MIKE SUDDER, HAD A HONDA SPREE MUCH LIKE THE SCOOTERS COMMONLY USED TODAY TO PULL SKATERS WHEN THERE'S A SHORT RUN WAY. JAMIE AND MIKE PUT THEIR STONED HEADS TOGETHER AND DECIDED TO PULL JAMIE BEHIND THE SPREE MOTOR BIKE FOR SPEED, LETTING HIM CLEAR THE TOP OF A LAUNCH RAMP WITH I'D SAY AT LEAST A HALF FOOT OF VERT. THIS PART OF THE STORY IS AS CLEAR AS YESTERDAY......ACTUALLY, I WAS STONED YESTERDAY SO LET ME JUST SAY ITS A VERY FOND MEMORY. MIKE STARTED MUCH FURTHER BACK THAN HE NEEDED TO AND KEPT PUMPING JAMIE UP SAYING "C'MON YOU PUSSY....JUMP THE FUCKING THING!" WITH JAMIE RESPONDING "YOU FUCKING DO IT" AS JAMIE GRABBED ONTO THE SPREE. NOW THE CLICKS I MENTIONED EARLIER THAT THE SIDEWALK MAKES BEGAN TO BLEND INTO JUST A VIBRATING NOISE MUCH LIKE THE OLD CARD IN THE SPOKES TRICK YOU DID TO YOUR BIKE AS A CHILD. THEY WERE HAULING ASS WAY TOO FAST DIRECTLY AT THE RAMP AND WERE NOT GIVING UP. I WILL NEVER FORGET WATCHING MY MENTOR SCREAM THE WORDS "MCTWIST!!" AS HE HIT THE RAMP AND FLEW INTO THE AIR DOING WHAT LOOKED LIKE A SERIOUS MCTWIST ATTEMPT OFF OF THE MOST POORLY CONSTRUCTED LAUNCHING DEVICE I'D EVER SEEN. MID-AIR AND UPSIDE DOWN IT SEEMED THAT EVERYTHING WAS IN SLOW MOTION AS HE FLIPPED INTO A SITTING POSITION AND HIS LEG LANDED AGAINST THE BOARD IN PERFECT LEG BREAKING PRIMO FASHION FOLLOWED BY A LOUD SNAP LIKE I'D NEVER HEARD BEFORE. JAMIE WAS SITTING UP ON HIS ASS WITH HIS LEG SNAPPED IN HALF BETWEEN THE FOOT AND KNEE CAP OVER HIS SANTA CRUZ ROB ROSKOPP BOARD CRYING AND SCREAMING FOR HIS MOM. SECONDS LATER HIS MOM BOLTS OUT OF THE HOUSE AND HAD JAMIE SCOOPED OFF THE PAVEMENT AND HOSPITAL BOUND IN A MATTER OF SECONDS. GOTTA LOVE MOMS. I REMEMBER A FEW MINUTES OF PURE SILENCE AFTER ALL THIS HAPPENED WHERE EVERYONE WAS KINDA LOOKING AT EACH OTHER IN SURPRISE....OUR NEIGHBORHOOD HAD NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE. THEY WERE ALL STUNNED RUSHING THEIR KIDS HOME IN FEAR OF JAMIE'S RECKLESS INFLUENCE. ME ON THE OTHER HAND....... I SAW WHAT WAS GOING TO TAKE UP THE NEXT 23 YEARS OF MY LIFE. SKATEBOARDING. AND HERE I AM, LOOKING BACK AT THE DAY THAT EVERYTHING CHANGED, JUST LIKE THE COMMERCIAL SAID. HOW THIS INFLUENCED ME TO SKATE I HAVE NO IDEA BUT I KNEW FROM THAT POINT ON THE WORD "MCTWIST" WOULD BECOME A PART OF MY EVERY DAY LINGO.
OK, SO I STARTED WRITING THIS IN A PART ONE SEGMENT A WHILE BACK. I WAS ACTUALLY INSPIRED BY A COMMERCIAL WHICH IS HARD FOR EVEN ME TO BELIEVE, BUT TRUE. TO BRING YOU UP TO SPEED I SAW A COMMERCIAL THAT REMINDED ME OF THE FIRST DAY I REALIZED I WANTED TO SKATE AND THERE WAS NO TURNING BACK. THE DAY WENT LIKE THIS. TYPICAL MORNING AT THE KRAGER HOUSE. I'M SURE I AWOKE AND RAN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE WITH MY MOM YELLING "SLOW DOWN!" RELENTLESSLY AS I SCURRIED BY TO GET OUTSIDE AND PLAY. I WAS LIKE TEN YEARS OLD AND WHEN I WAS TEN YEARS OLD THAT'S WHAT KIDS DID, THEY WENT OUTSIDE AND FUCKING PLAYED ALL DAY UNTIL THEIR PARENTS WERE SCREAMING FOR THEM TO COME HOME, NOT LIKE THESE DAYS WHERE KIDS LEARN HOW TO CLIMB A TREE WITH THE FUCKING Wii SYSTEM.....SICKENING. I DIDNT OWN A SKATEBOARD AT THIS POINT BUT MY OLDER FRIENDS DOWN THE STREET DID AND I WOULD GO AND GAZE AT THEIR FEEBLE ATTEMPTS TO JUMP THINGS AND CREATE WHAT THEY CALLED "RAMPS" NEARLY EVERY TIME I HAD THE CHANCE. THIS DAY, THE ONE THAT STICKS OUT IN MY HEAD, I RODE MY BIKE DOWN THE STREET TO A OLDER FELLOW NAMED JAMIE PANTELLO'S HOUSE. AS I RODE UP THE DRIVEWAY I SAW WHAT I WOULD STILL DESCRIBE TODAY AS A QUARTER PIPE BUT JAMIE INSISTED IT WAS "A LAUNCH RAMP". I KNEW THAT AS SOON AS THE FINISHING TOUCHES WERE DONE ON THIS THING THAT CHAOS WOULD ENSUE............AND IT DID. JAMIE, IN EXCITEMENT, HAD A CROWD OF NEIGHBORHOOD KIDS GATHERED AND HAD US ALL HELP IN LIFTING THIS BEAST OUT ONTO THE SIDEWALK. WE PLACED THE RAMP PERFECTLY AND ALL WATCHED, WAITING FOR WHAT WAS NEXT, BECAUSE HONESTLY THEY NEVER GOT THIS FAR ON ANY OF THEIR OTHER SO-CALLED "LAUNCH RAMPS". NOW THAT I'M OLDER AND I LOOK BACK WITH AN UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT VERTICAL IS I REALIZE WHY WHAT HAPPENED NEXT WENT DOWN THE WAY IT DID. THERES A NOISE THAT THE SIDEWALK IN THE SUBURBS MAKES WHEN YOU HEAR A KID SKATING DOWN IT AND FROM THAT SOUND YOU CAN JUDGE HOW FAST THEY'RE GOING BY THE REPETITION OF CLICKS MADE BY THE WHEELS MEETING THE CRACKS. JAMIE WAS PUSHING FULL FORCE UP TO THIS RAMP AND IT JUST WASN'T ENOUGH. ONE OF THE OTHER OLDER KIDS, MIKE SUDDER, HAD A HONDA SPREE MUCH LIKE THE SCOOTERS COMMONLY USED TODAY TO PULL SKATERS WHEN THERE'S A SHORT RUN WAY. JAMIE AND MIKE PUT THEIR STONED HEADS TOGETHER AND DECIDED TO PULL JAMIE BEHIND THE SPREE MOTOR BIKE FOR SPEED, LETTING HIM CLEAR THE TOP OF A LAUNCH RAMP WITH I'D SAY AT LEAST A HALF FOOT OF VERT. THIS PART OF THE STORY IS AS CLEAR AS YESTERDAY......ACTUALLY, I WAS STONED YESTERDAY SO LET ME JUST SAY ITS A VERY FOND MEMORY. MIKE STARTED MUCH FURTHER BACK THAN HE NEEDED TO AND KEPT PUMPING JAMIE UP SAYING "C'MON YOU PUSSY....JUMP THE FUCKING THING!" WITH JAMIE RESPONDING "YOU FUCKING DO IT" AS JAMIE GRABBED ONTO THE SPREE. NOW THE CLICKS I MENTIONED EARLIER THAT THE SIDEWALK MAKES BEGAN TO BLEND INTO JUST A VIBRATING NOISE MUCH LIKE THE OLD CARD IN THE SPOKES TRICK YOU DID TO YOUR BIKE AS A CHILD. THEY WERE HAULING ASS WAY TOO FAST DIRECTLY AT THE RAMP AND WERE NOT GIVING UP. I WILL NEVER FORGET WATCHING MY MENTOR SCREAM THE WORDS "MCTWIST!!" AS HE HIT THE RAMP AND FLEW INTO THE AIR DOING WHAT LOOKED LIKE A SERIOUS MCTWIST ATTEMPT OFF OF THE MOST POORLY CONSTRUCTED LAUNCHING DEVICE I'D EVER SEEN. MID-AIR AND UPSIDE DOWN IT SEEMED THAT EVERYTHING WAS IN SLOW MOTION AS HE FLIPPED INTO A SITTING POSITION AND HIS LEG LANDED AGAINST THE BOARD IN PERFECT LEG BREAKING PRIMO FASHION FOLLOWED BY A LOUD SNAP LIKE I'D NEVER HEARD BEFORE. JAMIE WAS SITTING UP ON HIS ASS WITH HIS LEG SNAPPED IN HALF BETWEEN THE FOOT AND KNEE CAP OVER HIS SANTA CRUZ ROB ROSKOPP BOARD CRYING AND SCREAMING FOR HIS MOM. SECONDS LATER HIS MOM BOLTS OUT OF THE HOUSE AND HAD JAMIE SCOOPED OFF THE PAVEMENT AND HOSPITAL BOUND IN A MATTER OF SECONDS. GOTTA LOVE MOMS. I REMEMBER A FEW MINUTES OF PURE SILENCE AFTER ALL THIS HAPPENED WHERE EVERYONE WAS KINDA LOOKING AT EACH OTHER IN SURPRISE....OUR NEIGHBORHOOD HAD NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE. THEY WERE ALL STUNNED RUSHING THEIR KIDS HOME IN FEAR OF JAMIE'S RECKLESS INFLUENCE. ME ON THE OTHER HAND....... I SAW WHAT WAS GOING TO TAKE UP THE NEXT 23 YEARS OF MY LIFE. SKATEBOARDING. AND HERE I AM, LOOKING BACK AT THE DAY THAT EVERYTHING CHANGED, JUST LIKE THE COMMERCIAL SAID. HOW THIS INFLUENCED ME TO SKATE I HAVE NO IDEA BUT I KNEW FROM THAT POINT ON THE WORD "MCTWIST" WOULD BECOME A PART OF MY EVERY DAY LINGO.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
NO PROB LIMO!
Posted by Adam
A COUPLE OF LOCAL AMIGOS INVITED ME OUT TO CHECK OUT ROB CROW'S NORDIC ROCK BAND GOBLIN COCK WHICH I HAVE TO SAY WAS PRETTY DAMN GOOD. AFTER LEAVING THE SHOW I COULDNT GET THIS OPENING ACT OUT OF MY HEAD......ALONG WITH A STOMACHE ACHE FROM LAUGHING SO HARD. THIS GUY WAS HILARIOUS AND FOR HIM TO GET UP IN FRONT OF JUDGEMENTAL SAN DIEGO AND BREAK THROUGH THE COOL GUY EGO......AMAZING! ............CHECK OUT PLEASEEASAUR!! PURE COMEDY.
A COUPLE OF LOCAL AMIGOS INVITED ME OUT TO CHECK OUT ROB CROW'S NORDIC ROCK BAND GOBLIN COCK WHICH I HAVE TO SAY WAS PRETTY DAMN GOOD. AFTER LEAVING THE SHOW I COULDNT GET THIS OPENING ACT OUT OF MY HEAD......ALONG WITH A STOMACHE ACHE FROM LAUGHING SO HARD. THIS GUY WAS HILARIOUS AND FOR HIM TO GET UP IN FRONT OF JUDGEMENTAL SAN DIEGO AND BREAK THROUGH THE COOL GUY EGO......AMAZING! ............CHECK OUT PLEASEEASAUR!! PURE COMEDY.
DETROIT TECH-O-NO!!
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE MOVIE THE DOORS WHERE VAL KILMER PLAYS THE YOUNG EXCESSIVE JIM MORRISON? WELL I HAVE AND I'VE ACTUALLY WATCHED THIS FLICK IN SO MANY VARIOUS STATES OF INTOXICATION THAT I THINK I COULD REENACT MOST OF THE FLICK IF YOU GAVE ME A GOOD DOSE OF ACID. WELL THERE IS THIS INDIAN THROUGHOUT T PAGANESQUE HE MOVIE THAT APPEARS IN DIFFERENT SITUATIONS FROM THE VERY BEGINNING WHERE JIM IS A CHILD TO THE VERY END WHERE HE IS BEING FOLLOWED BY THE NATIVE AMERICAN WHILE SINGING AROUND A HUGE FIRE. AMAZING. THE POINT I'M GETTING AT TAKES ME BACK TO A DETROIT NIGHT WITH A GROUP OF WHAT ARE STILL SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS. IN TYPICAL DETROIT FASHION WE STARTED THE EVE BY STANDING AROUND OUR LIVING ROOM TABLE WITH A BOTTLE OF EITHER CHEAP WHISKEY OR SOME OTHER HEAVY INTOXICANT FOLLOWED BY A BOTTLE OF COKE BEING PASSED IN A CIRCLE NON-STOP UNTIL IT WAS FULLY CONSUMED. I GUESS WE HAD A PROBLEM WITH EXCESS OURSELVES. MARCHING OUT INTO THE COLD DETROIT EVE WE ENDED UP AT A BAR WE FREQUENTED CALLED MOTOR LOUNGE. THIS PLACE WAS AN ECSTASY USERS DREAM, BEING VOTED FAVORITE CLUB BY MANY OF THE WORLD'S MOST PROGRESSIVE DJS FOR THAT TIME PERIOD. TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH I LOOK BACK AND REALIZE WE HAD NO IDEA HOW GOOD WE HAD IT. WITH IMMEDIATE ENTRY NO MATTER HOW BIG THE LINE WAS AND FREE ALCOHOL FROM OUR FRIENDS WHO WERE SECURITY AND THE BARTENDERS, WE WERE DEFINITELY SPOILED. ON TOP OF THAT THE GUY WE WOULD PURCHASE OUR ECSTASY FROM WAS ALWAYS THERE AND ALWAYS HOOKED US UP REGARDLESS OF MONEY, SOMETIMES EVEN WALKING UP AND JUST SHOVING IT INTO OUR MOUTHS. THE ATMOSPHERE WAS ACTUALLY QUITE SIMPLE BUT IT WAS PERFECT FOR THE SORT OF ROLLING CHAOS THAT WE ENJOYED. THE CAPACITY OF THE PLACE WAS A LITTLE OVER 1000 PEOPLE AND THERE WAS CONSTANTLY ENOUGH E TO DOSE THE ENTIRE CROWD. ONE NIGHT I REMEMBER PURCHASING A COUPLE PILLS FROM OUR USUAL GUY AND FOR SOME REASON IT WASN'T HITTING ME SO I ASKED AROUND AND HAD ANOTHER HIT IN A MATTER OF MINUTES. YUMMY. I POPPED IT INTO MY MOUTH PROBABLY CHEWING IT UP TO TASTE THE QUALITY AND CAUSE IT HITS YOU FASTER. THIS SECOND HIT THAT I HAD PURCHASED FROM AN UNKNOWN FELLA HAD A SPECIAL SURPRISE TO IT......THE HIT WAS CALLED A CANDY FLIP AND IT WAS ALSO DOSED WITH LSD. NOT KNOWING THIS KINDA SUCKED, MOSTLY BECAUSE MY JIM MORRISON INDIAN MOMENT BEGAN IN THE CLUB. INSTEAD OF IT BEING AN INDIAN IT WAS MY VISION OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN THAT I HAD EVER SEEN. ABSOLUTELY PERFECT AND POPPING UP JUST AS QUICK AS I COULD FOCUS, THEN ONCE AGAIN DISAPPEARING. I WAS BOTHERING MY FRIENDS WITH TALK OF "THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN I'VE EVER SEEN"; TO THE POINT WHERE I THINK THEY BECAME ANNOYED. MY HUNT WAS BORDERLINE INSANE BECAUSE I WASNT SURE IN MY TRIP IF I WAS ACTUALLY SEEING THIS WOMAN, IF IT WAS A FIGMENT OF MY IMAGINATION OR JUST A PRODUCT OF THE DRUG COMBO THAT WAS RUNNING THROUGH ME. I REMEMBER DANCING FOR QUITE A WHILE AND I KEPT SEEING THIS WOMAN AND SHE WAS LOOKING DIRECTLY AT ME BUT THE SECOND MY BRAIN RECOGNIZED HER.....SHE WAS ONCE AGAIN GONE. BY THE TIME MOTOR LOUNGE HAD WOUND DOWN AND WE HAD OUR FILL I WAS STILL FLYING AND COULDN'T SHUT UP ABOUT MY NEW LOVE. HOPING THAT I WOULD SEE MY VISION OF ABSOLUTE PERFECTION AGAIN WE LEFT ONLY TO VENTURE ON TO OUR FAVORITE AFTER HOURS SPOT, PUSH. WE LOVED THIS PLACE NOT BECAUSE IT WAS SOME AMAZING CLUB BUT BECAUSE YOU COULD PURCHASE WEED IN THERE AND ALCOHOL AFTER THE 2 O'CLOCK SHUT DOWN. BUT THE GREATEST PART IS THE FACT THAT THERE WAS AN UPSTAIRS ROOM FILLED WITH COUCHES AND A NEVER ENDING MEDICAL GRADE NITROUS TANK. IT WAS PURE HEAVEN. EVEN BETTER WAS THE FACT THAT THE COPS WERE PAID OFF TO LEAVE THE PLACE ALONE SO THERE WAS NEVER A FEAR OF A BUST. JUST DRUG-FUELED FUN ALONG WITH GREAT DJS. ITS A DETROIT THING; GREAT DJS AND TECHNO EVERY FUCKING NIGHT BUT NOT YOUR TYPICAL GLOW STICK BACKPACK GOOFY BOY SHIT, THIS WAS CLASSY AT TIMES AND A BIT MORE MATURE THAN WHAT THE EUROS DECIDED TO DO WITH AN AMAZING MUSICAL ART FORM. IT HELD CLASS AND WAS VERY RESPECTED, AS RESPECTED AS ANY EXCESSIVE DRUG USER COULD THROW OFF. I'M NOT SURE IF YOU HAVE EVER SUCKED DOWN A NITROUS BALOON WHILE ROLLING ON AN E TAB DOSED WITH LSD, BUT IT WAS MAGICAL. THERE'S A SMALL BLACKOUT AREA IN THE STORY HERE BUT I KNOW I WAS SUCKING DOWN A BALOON NEXT TO THIS WALL AND THE NEXT THING I KNEW MY AMAZING BEAUTY QUEEN FROM HEAVEN WAS STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME AS I GRASPED FOR WORDS. TRY SPEAKING AFTER YOU'VE JUST INGESTED NITROUS AND ALL THAT COMES OUT IS MIXED-UP GARBLE THAT WILL SEND YOU INTO A FIT OF LAUGHTER, BUT THIS WASNT FUNNY. I WAS CRUMBLING IN FRONT OF THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND ALL I WAS TRYING TO SAY WAS "I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU ALL NIGHT!", BUT I'M SURE IT CAME OUT SOMETHING LIKE "I'VE BWEEEENN WOOOOOKING FA EWWWWWWW LLLLLLLLLL NIGGGGGGGGGA" AND EMBARRASSMENT SET IN. I HAD THIS FEELING LIKE I WAS BLOWING IT AND IT WASNT A GOOD FEELING AT ALL; OVERWHELMED BY THE DOSE OF REALITY THAT ACID THROWS YOU, I WAS A COMPLETE MURMURING WRECK. BEFORE I COULD EVEN TRY TO PUT TOGETHER ANOTHER SENTENCE I FELT AN ARM ON MY SHOULDER FOLLOWED BY A LAUGH I COULD NEVER MISTAKE; IT WAS MY ROOMMATE CHRIS IVERY A.K.A. MAJORS. "KRAGER...WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" FOLLOWED BY A LOUD HEARTY LAUGH THATS ACTUALLY ONE OF MY FAVORITE CHARACTERISTICS OF MY FRIEND CHRIS. HIS LAUGH IS GENUINE; I MISS IT. AS THE NITROUS WAS WEARING OFF MY VISON STARTED TO COME BACK INTO FOCUS AND I SAW THAT I WAS STANDING IN THE MOST AKWARD AREA LOCKED INTO BLABBERING CONVERSATION WITH WHAT APPEARED TO BE A WALL. INDEED.....I WAS IN FRONT OF A WALL TRYING TO TELL IT HOW MUCH I WAS IN LOVE WITH IT BUT MY HEAD WAS TELLING ME A WHOLE DIFFERENT STORY. I ALSO BEGAN TO LAUGH WHEN I REALIZED HOW INSANE THE WHOLE EVE HAD BEEN WITH ME CHASING AROUND A NATIVE AMERICAN LOOKING WOMAN WHO WAS THE MOST GORGEOUS THING I'D EVER SEEN TO BECOMING A WALL HUMPING, DROOLING MANIAC. OH THOSE DETROIT NIGHTS. GOOD TIMES INDEED. THE NIGHT ENDED ON A FUNNY NOTE BECAUSE I WAS THE ONE WHO DROVE SO I HAD TO BUCK UP AND DRIVE OUR ASSES BACK HOME.MY LAST MEMORY IS TRYING TO KEEP MAJORS AWAKE BECAUSE I WAS SEEING LITTLE WHITE KIDS PLAYING WITH BEACH BALLS. AT 6 IN THE MORNING IN DETROIT...UMMMMM...FIRST OF ALL IT WAS DETROIT.....NOT TO MANY LITTLE WHITE KIDS RUNNING AROUND AND SECONDLY.....BEACH BALLS? HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO DETROIT? FUCKING BEACH BALLS!!! LOL.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Hipster X-Ray
Posted by Joel
Browsing through Flickr I came across a pool where hipsters photograph the contents of their messenger bags and it?s at the same time voyeuristic, fascinating and predictable: http://flickr.com/groups/whats_in_your_bag/pool/
Browsing through Flickr I came across a pool where hipsters photograph the contents of their messenger bags and it?s at the same time voyeuristic, fascinating and predictable: http://flickr.com/groups/whats_in_your_bag/pool/
Saturday, January 24, 2009
We've Made It To The Future
Posted by Joel
Choose a drum track, musical style and mood then lay down your acapella singing and Microsoft SongSmith will create backing music for you automagically. I'm pretty sure computers writing music for us is one of the signs of the apocalypse or at least the death of music. On the bright side it makes for some pretty hot re-thinking of the classics as well, and we're all officially in a band.
The Doobie Brothers - "Long Train Running"
Download Microsoft SongSmith for free here and start working on that band name. I'll see you at the Casbah: http://www.download.com/Songsmith/3000-2170_4-10906765.html
Choose a drum track, musical style and mood then lay down your acapella singing and Microsoft SongSmith will create backing music for you automagically. I'm pretty sure computers writing music for us is one of the signs of the apocalypse or at least the death of music. On the bright side it makes for some pretty hot re-thinking of the classics as well, and we're all officially in a band.
The Doobie Brothers - "Long Train Running"
Download Microsoft SongSmith for free here and start working on that band name. I'll see you at the Casbah: http://www.download.com/Songsmith/3000-2170_4-10906765.html
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Holiday Sweater Buying Guide
Posted by Tommy D
It's that time of year again. You might be asking yourself, "Where do I find the best Holiday sweater?" Don't waste time asking this useless question, read this informative Sweater Buying Guide we put together below. It isn't as informative as it is more about how to handle your shit over the Holidays.
WALMART - I fucking hate this store! "What the fuck am I doing here?" I have to remind myself I have no other choice in getting the selection of gay and merry, but really mostly gay, holiday sweaters I can find here. The mother load of all sparkly reindeer, xmas tree, sleigh, and other assorted Aunt Ruth style designs. Vests, turtlenecks, vest turtle neck combo, and button up vests, but no matter what you can't go wrong with a sweater vest. The bigger the buttons the better. If they are something that isn't a button but is merely perpetrating like one then you are golden. Something like a bloated Santa head as a button is the Elvis glasses of Xmas sweaters.
Target - They have a minimal selection of sweaters here which sucks. If you have little time then go here but be prepared to have the same sweater as at least half the crew. Just know that you took the easy way out and those that bit there lip and went to WALMART are veterans of XMAS sweater war. They are going to get all the props and you can hang with the rest of the National Guard pussies. You didn't do time, you skipped the Xmas sweater draft. You are better just staying home and baking ginger bread cookie men fucking each other. Yeah, gay ginger bread men spraying icing on each other. You suck.
Things to remember:
This is a XMAS sweater we are talking about here. If you really try to find one that makes you look good you need to get the fuck off this website like now. Seriously, there is nothing cool about this shit, it is gay as fuck. The sooner you are comfortable with how gay you look in this gear the better. I'll admit, times are tight and buying a sweater and other gear for that Holiday Party can get pricy. Make sure that you find as many parties that you can rock your sweet gear off at as possible. Shit, if you really don't care just wear it everyday like you use to wear that favorite t-shirt and jeans you had. People will look at you weird at first but after a day or two they might be showing up rocking some new sweater too. You will smell funky but if you buy some Xmas tree smell aerosol spray you can soak yourself up and people will share their favorite memories of Christmas.
Other Accessories to Add Radness:
White Pants - These are diamonds in the ruff. Try a Salvation Army or second hand store. The women’s section is where I found mine. Yes, I wore and still wear my white female slacks on these special occasions. I am reminded how un-cool it is to be truly awesome.
Mustache - Fake ones are great if you have a left over Magnum PI or Ron Burgundy stache from Halloweeny but a real one really means you care.
Santa Hat - Great to start the night with but we live in San Diego and it is not cold enough to rock this all night. Shows you have some Santa in you and girls love the Claus man. They want what you are giving so make sure you pack in your Yule time log to warm it up later.
Reindeer Hat - Cool and amusing but like the Santa hat you aren't going to last. I'd recommend doing something cool with the hair that you can roll with all night. A nice part or slick back always adds that nice sweater party feeling and makes you feel like it is time for refills at the nog bowl.
Just remember that the Holiday time is about giving and when you get something really lame, to act like you are happy. Happy Holidays!
remember to point in photos. gives you that cool feeling like shit is going down. thumbs up, wave, high fives = good. save the middle finger and horns for non-Holiday events.
Good work on the staches and the movement in the shot.
Somebody love me it's Christmas.
At first I wanted to say that this guy is a classic Target sweater example until I saw her bangs. She really bangs.
It's that time of year again. You might be asking yourself, "Where do I find the best Holiday sweater?" Don't waste time asking this useless question, read this informative Sweater Buying Guide we put together below. It isn't as informative as it is more about how to handle your shit over the Holidays.
WALMART - I fucking hate this store! "What the fuck am I doing here?" I have to remind myself I have no other choice in getting the selection of gay and merry, but really mostly gay, holiday sweaters I can find here. The mother load of all sparkly reindeer, xmas tree, sleigh, and other assorted Aunt Ruth style designs. Vests, turtlenecks, vest turtle neck combo, and button up vests, but no matter what you can't go wrong with a sweater vest. The bigger the buttons the better. If they are something that isn't a button but is merely perpetrating like one then you are golden. Something like a bloated Santa head as a button is the Elvis glasses of Xmas sweaters.
Target - They have a minimal selection of sweaters here which sucks. If you have little time then go here but be prepared to have the same sweater as at least half the crew. Just know that you took the easy way out and those that bit there lip and went to WALMART are veterans of XMAS sweater war. They are going to get all the props and you can hang with the rest of the National Guard pussies. You didn't do time, you skipped the Xmas sweater draft. You are better just staying home and baking ginger bread cookie men fucking each other. Yeah, gay ginger bread men spraying icing on each other. You suck.
Things to remember:
This is a XMAS sweater we are talking about here. If you really try to find one that makes you look good you need to get the fuck off this website like now. Seriously, there is nothing cool about this shit, it is gay as fuck. The sooner you are comfortable with how gay you look in this gear the better. I'll admit, times are tight and buying a sweater and other gear for that Holiday Party can get pricy. Make sure that you find as many parties that you can rock your sweet gear off at as possible. Shit, if you really don't care just wear it everyday like you use to wear that favorite t-shirt and jeans you had. People will look at you weird at first but after a day or two they might be showing up rocking some new sweater too. You will smell funky but if you buy some Xmas tree smell aerosol spray you can soak yourself up and people will share their favorite memories of Christmas.
Other Accessories to Add Radness:
White Pants - These are diamonds in the ruff. Try a Salvation Army or second hand store. The women’s section is where I found mine. Yes, I wore and still wear my white female slacks on these special occasions. I am reminded how un-cool it is to be truly awesome.
Mustache - Fake ones are great if you have a left over Magnum PI or Ron Burgundy stache from Halloweeny but a real one really means you care.
Santa Hat - Great to start the night with but we live in San Diego and it is not cold enough to rock this all night. Shows you have some Santa in you and girls love the Claus man. They want what you are giving so make sure you pack in your Yule time log to warm it up later.
Reindeer Hat - Cool and amusing but like the Santa hat you aren't going to last. I'd recommend doing something cool with the hair that you can roll with all night. A nice part or slick back always adds that nice sweater party feeling and makes you feel like it is time for refills at the nog bowl.
Just remember that the Holiday time is about giving and when you get something really lame, to act like you are happy. Happy Holidays!
remember to point in photos. gives you that cool feeling like shit is going down. thumbs up, wave, high fives = good. save the middle finger and horns for non-Holiday events.
Good work on the staches and the movement in the shot.
Somebody love me it's Christmas.
At first I wanted to say that this guy is a classic Target sweater example until I saw her bangs. She really bangs.
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