My Favorite Thing To Do In San Diego

Posted by Colin

So what should I write about for my first attempt at a contribution to this blog mag called The Liar I thought to myself, but nothing really popped up for me.  I figured I should write something about San Diego since the mag is based here and supports much about it in the ways of art, music, interpretive dance, etc., and as I anxiously ran through all the endless and bottomless influences on me, I kept coming back to my favorite thing here.  It's not really anything special, which the special things always are, or even something San Diego specific, but it is here, and will most likely forever remain my favorite.  My shower.
Now sure, San Diego has lots of other great things to offer to people; a fifteen minute drive to 14 year old Mexican hookers who will try to make you believe they are woman (worst day ever), Comic-Con, where you have a fifteen minute walk to 37 year old Klingon virgins, Nunu's, where I have a fifteen minute crawl home, and Santee, where you have fifteen minutes of your life gone and never to return.  None of these however can compare to the joy I get out of showering in my shower.  Think of all the wonderful things I can do in the shower.  Now think about me doing them while making eye contact with you.  See!  Everyone wins!  It's not an amazing shower, in fact it could be one of the worst in the whole of Mission Hills.  For instance, just last week our toilet was backing up into it.  That was fun, but not enough to change my mind about it's amazingness.
Maybe it is my great distaste for social anything above all else, or the simple fact I like to be alone, but something about being alone and completely comfortable lathering up my rippled body while eating old pizza beats a night at the Casbah anytime.  I can cry in the shower, but still feel manly because I can blame it on my non baby shampoo.  I can fuck in the shower with no fear of performing long enough, because we all know it's a quickie in there.  I can jerk off in the shower while thinking about fucking in the shower.  I can feverishly pass gas without the fear of lower intestinal after birth ruining tea time.  I can lay down and take a nap in the same spot I just peed without a shameful feeling that someone might tell Mom.  I can throw up all over myself with flagrant disregard for mine and the hand soaps own safety.  I can rub a stinky mistake down the drain with my toe from farting a little too much while drinking a beer.  The possibilities are endless of what i can do in that small slice of moldy heaven sent piece of crap my roommate and I call a bathroom.
The next time your in your shower, or in anyone's shower, particularly my shower, just think about how many people jerked off, puked, fucked, shit, spit, pissed, farted blood, and ate pizza in your crappy rented apartment's bathroom before you.  Then maybe swimming in the ocean in Ocean Beach next two hundreds of hippies and bums won't be so bad after all.