The Liar

Look Who's Back....

2011-05-17T10:38:00.001-07:00

Oh shit...lock your doors and close your blinds.....

MCTWISTS OFF LAUNCH RAMPS PT. 2

2009-02-10T20:00:00.000-08:00

Posted by Adam

OK, SO I STARTED WRITING THIS IN A PART ONE SEGMENT A WHILE BACK. I WAS ACTUALLY INSPIRED BY A COMMERCIAL WHICH IS HARD FOR EVEN ME TO BELIEVE, BUT TRUE. TO BRING YOU UP TO SPEED I SAW A COMMERCIAL THAT REMINDED ME OF THE FIRST DAY I REALIZED I WANTED TO SKATE AND THERE WAS NO TURNING BACK. THE DAY WENT LIKE THIS. TYPICAL MORNING AT THE KRAGER HOUSE. I'M SURE I AWOKE AND RAN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE WITH MY MOM YELLING "SLOW DOWN!" RELENTLESSLY AS I SCURRIED BY TO GET OUTSIDE AND PLAY. I WAS LIKE TEN YEARS OLD AND WHEN I WAS TEN YEARS OLD THAT'S WHAT KIDS DID, THEY WENT OUTSIDE AND FUCKING PLAYED ALL DAY UNTIL THEIR PARENTS WERE SCREAMING FOR THEM TO COME HOME, NOT LIKE THESE DAYS WHERE KIDS LEARN HOW TO CLIMB A TREE WITH THE FUCKING Wii SYSTEM.....SICKENING. I DIDNT OWN A SKATEBOARD AT THIS POINT BUT MY OLDER FRIENDS DOWN THE STREET DID AND I WOULD GO AND GAZE AT THEIR FEEBLE ATTEMPTS TO JUMP THINGS AND CREATE WHAT THEY CALLED "RAMPS" NEARLY EVERY TIME I HAD THE CHANCE. THIS DAY, THE ONE THAT STICKS OUT IN MY HEAD, I RODE MY BIKE DOWN THE STREET TO A OLDER FELLOW NAMED JAMIE PANTELLO'S HOUSE. AS I RODE UP THE DRIVEWAY I SAW WHAT I WOULD STILL DESCRIBE TODAY AS A QUARTER PIPE BUT JAMIE INSISTED IT WAS "A LAUNCH RAMP". I KNEW THAT AS SOON AS THE FINISHING TOUCHES WERE DONE ON THIS THING THAT CHAOS WOULD ENSUE............AND IT DID. JAMIE, IN EXCITEMENT, HAD A CROWD OF NEIGHBORHOOD KIDS GATHERED AND HAD US ALL HELP IN LIFTING THIS BEAST OUT ONTO THE SIDEWALK. WE PLACED THE RAMP PERFECTLY AND ALL WATCHED, WAITING FOR WHAT WAS NEXT, BECAUSE HONESTLY THEY NEVER GOT THIS FAR ON ANY OF THEIR OTHER SO-CALLED "LAUNCH RAMPS". NOW THAT I'M OLDER AND I LOOK BACK WITH AN UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT VERTICAL IS I REALIZE WHY WHAT HAPPENED NEXT WENT DOWN THE WAY IT DID. THERES A NOISE THAT THE SIDEWALK IN THE SUBURBS MAKES WHEN YOU HEAR A KID SKATING DOWN IT AND FROM THAT SOUND YOU CAN JUDGE HOW FAST THEY'RE GOING BY THE REPETITION OF CLICKS MADE BY THE WHEELS MEETING THE CRACKS. JAMIE WAS PUSHING FULL FORCE UP TO THIS RAMP AND IT JUST WASN'T ENOUGH. ONE OF THE OTHER OLDER KIDS, MIKE SUDDER, HAD A HONDA SPREE MUCH LIKE THE SCOOTERS COMMONLY USED TODAY TO PULL SKATERS WHEN THERE'S A SHORT RUN WAY. JAMIE AND MIKE PUT THEIR STONED HEADS TOGETHER AND DECIDED TO PULL JAMIE BEHIND THE SPREE MOTOR BIKE FOR SPEED, LETTING HIM CLEAR THE TOP OF A LAUNCH RAMP WITH I'D SAY AT LEAST A HALF FOOT OF VERT. THIS PART OF THE STORY IS AS CLEAR AS YESTERDAY......ACTUALLY, I WAS STONED YESTERDAY SO LET ME JUST SAY ITS A VERY FOND MEMORY. MIKE STARTED MUCH FURTHER BACK THAN HE NEEDED TO AND KEPT PUMPING JAMIE UP SAYING "C'MON YOU PUSSY....JUMP THE FUCKING THING!" WITH JAMIE RESPONDING "YOU FUCKING DO IT" AS JAMIE GRABBED ONTO THE SPREE. NOW THE CLICKS I MENTIONED EARLIER THAT THE SIDEWALK MAKES BEGAN TO BLEND INTO JUST A VIBRATING NOISE MUCH LIKE THE OLD CARD IN THE SPOKES TRICK YOU DID TO YOUR BIKE AS A CHILD. THEY WERE HAULING ASS WAY TOO FAST DIRECTLY AT THE RAMP AND WERE NOT GIVING UP. I WILL NEVER FORGET WATCHING MY MENTOR SCREAM THE WORDS "MCTWIST!!" AS HE HIT THE RAMP AND FLEW INTO THE AIR DOING WHAT LOOKED LIKE A SERIOUS MCTWIST ATTEMPT OFF OF THE MOST POORLY CONSTRUCTED LAUNCHING DEVICE I'D EVER SEEN. MID-AIR AND UPSIDE DOWN IT SEEMED THAT EVERYTHING WAS IN SLOW MOTION AS HE FLIPPED INTO A SITTING POSITION AND HIS LEG LANDED AGAINST THE BOARD IN PERFECT LEG BREAKING PRIMO FASHION FOLLOWED BY A LOUD SNAP LIKE I'D NEVER HEARD BEFORE. JAMIE WAS SITTING UP ON HIS ASS WITH HIS LEG SNAPPED IN HALF BETWEEN THE FOOT AND KNEE CAP OVER HIS SANTA CRUZ ROB ROSKOPP BOARD CRYING AND SCREAMING FOR HIS MOM. SECONDS LATER HIS MOM BOLTS OUT OF THE HOUSE AND HAD JAMIE SCOOPED OFF THE PAVEMENT AND HOSPITAL BOUND IN A MATTER OF SECONDS. GOTTA LOVE MOMS. I REMEMBER A FEW MINUTES OF PURE SILENCE AFTER ALL THIS HAPPENED WHERE EVERYONE WAS KINDA LOOKING AT EACH OTHER IN SURPRISE....OUR NEIGHBORHOOD HAD NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE. THEY WERE ALL STUNNED RUSHING THEIR KIDS HOME IN FEAR OF JAMIE'S RECKLESS INFLUENCE. ME ON THE OTHER HAND....... I SAW WHAT WAS GOING TO TAKE UP THE NEXT 23 YEARS OF MY LIFE. SKATEBOARDING. AND HERE I AM, LOOKING BACK AT THE DAY THAT EVERYTHING CHANGED, JUST LIKE THE COMMERCIAL SAID. HOW THIS INFLUENCED ME TO SKATE I HAVE NO IDEA BUT I KNEW FROM THAT POINT ON THE WORD "MCTWIST" WOULD BECOME A PART OF MY EVERY DAY LINGO.

NO PROB LIMO!

2009-02-03T19:59:00.000-08:00

Posted by Adam

A COUPLE OF LOCAL AMIGOS INVITED ME OUT TO CHECK OUT ROB CROW'S NORDIC ROCK BAND GOBLIN COCK WHICH I HAVE TO SAY WAS PRETTY DAMN GOOD. AFTER LEAVING THE SHOW I COULDNT GET THIS OPENING ACT OUT OF MY HEAD......ALONG WITH A STOMACHE ACHE FROM LAUGHING SO HARD. THIS GUY WAS HILARIOUS AND FOR HIM TO GET UP IN FRONT OF JUDGEMENTAL SAN DIEGO AND BREAK THROUGH THE COOL GUY EGO......AMAZING! ............CHECK OUT PLEASEEASAUR!! PURE COMEDY.

DETROIT TECH-O-NO!!

2009-02-03T19:58:00.000-08:00

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE MOVIE THE DOORS WHERE VAL KILMER PLAYS THE YOUNG EXCESSIVE JIM MORRISON? WELL I HAVE AND I'VE ACTUALLY WATCHED THIS FLICK IN SO MANY VARIOUS STATES OF INTOXICATION THAT I THINK I COULD REENACT MOST OF THE FLICK IF YOU GAVE ME A GOOD DOSE OF ACID. WELL THERE IS THIS INDIAN THROUGHOUT T PAGANESQUE HE MOVIE THAT APPEARS IN DIFFERENT SITUATIONS FROM THE VERY BEGINNING WHERE JIM IS A CHILD TO THE VERY END WHERE HE IS BEING FOLLOWED BY THE NATIVE AMERICAN WHILE SINGING AROUND A HUGE FIRE. AMAZING. THE POINT I'M GETTING AT TAKES ME BACK TO A DETROIT NIGHT WITH A GROUP OF WHAT ARE STILL SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS. IN TYPICAL DETROIT FASHION WE STARTED THE EVE BY STANDING AROUND OUR LIVING ROOM TABLE WITH A BOTTLE OF EITHER CHEAP WHISKEY OR SOME OTHER HEAVY INTOXICANT FOLLOWED BY A BOTTLE OF COKE BEING PASSED IN A CIRCLE NON-STOP UNTIL IT WAS FULLY CONSUMED. I GUESS WE HAD A PROBLEM WITH EXCESS OURSELVES. MARCHING OUT INTO THE COLD DETROIT EVE WE ENDED UP AT A BAR WE FREQUENTED CALLED MOTOR LOUNGE. THIS PLACE WAS AN ECSTASY USERS DREAM, BEING VOTED FAVORITE CLUB BY MANY OF THE WORLD'S MOST PROGRESSIVE DJS FOR THAT TIME PERIOD. TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH I LOOK BACK AND REALIZE WE HAD NO IDEA HOW GOOD WE HAD IT. WITH IMMEDIATE ENTRY NO MATTER HOW BIG THE LINE WAS AND FREE ALCOHOL FROM OUR FRIENDS WHO WERE SECURITY AND THE BARTENDERS, WE WERE DEFINITELY SPOILED. ON TOP OF THAT THE GUY WE WOULD PURCHASE OUR ECSTASY FROM WAS ALWAYS THERE AND ALWAYS HOOKED US UP REGARDLESS OF MONEY, SOMETIMES EVEN WALKING UP AND JUST SHOVING IT INTO OUR MOUTHS. THE ATMOSPHERE WAS ACTUALLY QUITE SIMPLE BUT IT WAS PERFECT FOR THE SORT OF ROLLING CHAOS THAT WE ENJOYED. THE CAPACITY OF THE PLACE WAS A LITTLE OVER 1000 PEOPLE AND THERE WAS CONSTANTLY ENOUGH E TO DOSE THE ENTIRE CROWD. ONE NIGHT I REMEMBER PURCHASING A COUPLE PILLS FROM OUR USUAL GUY AND FOR SOME REASON IT WASN'T HITTING ME SO I ASKED AROUND AND HAD ANOTHER HIT IN A MATTER OF MINUTES. YUMMY. I POPPED IT INTO MY MOUTH PROBABLY CHEWING IT UP TO TASTE THE QUALITY AND CAUSE IT HITS YOU FASTER. THIS SECOND HIT THAT I HAD PURCHASED FROM AN UNKNOWN FELLA HAD A SPECIAL SURPRISE TO IT......THE HIT WAS CALLED A CANDY FLIP AND IT WAS ALSO DOSED WITH LSD. NOT KNOWING THIS KINDA SUCKED, MOSTLY BECAUSE MY JIM MORRISON INDIAN MOMENT BEGAN IN THE CLUB. INSTEAD OF IT BEING AN INDIAN IT WAS MY VISION OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN THAT I HAD EVER SEEN. ABSOLUTELY PERFECT AND POPPING UP JUST AS QUICK AS I COULD FOCUS, THEN ONCE AGAIN DISAPPEARING. I WAS BOTHERING MY FRIENDS WITH TALK OF "THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN I'VE EVER SEEN"; TO THE POINT WHERE I THINK THEY BECAME ANNOYED. MY HUNT WAS BORDERLINE INSANE BECAUSE I WASNT SURE IN MY TRIP IF I WAS ACTUALLY SEEING THIS WOMAN, IF IT WAS A FIGMENT OF MY IMAGINATION OR JUST A PRODUCT OF THE DRUG COMBO THAT WAS RUNNING THROUGH ME. I REMEMBER DANCING FOR QUITE A WHILE AND I KEPT SEEING THIS WOMAN AND SHE WAS LOOKING DIRECTLY AT ME BUT THE SECOND MY BRAIN RECOGNIZED HER.....SHE WAS ONCE AGAIN GONE. BY THE TIME MOTOR LOUNGE HAD WOUND DOWN AND WE HAD OUR FILL I WAS STILL FLYING AND COULDN'T SHUT UP ABOUT MY NEW LOVE. HOPING THAT I WOULD SEE MY VISION OF ABSOLUTE PERFECTION AGAIN WE LEFT ONLY TO VENTURE ON TO OUR FAVORITE AFTER HOURS SPOT, PUSH. WE LOVED THIS PLACE NOT BECAUSE IT WAS SOME AMAZING CLUB BUT BECAUSE YOU COULD PURCHASE WEED IN THERE AND ALCOHOL AFTER THE 2 O'CLOCK SHUT DOWN. BUT THE GREATEST PART IS THE FACT THAT THERE WAS AN UPSTAIRS ROOM FILLED WITH COUCHES AND A NEVER ENDING MEDICAL GRADE NITROUS TANK. IT WAS PURE HEAVEN. EVEN BETTER WAS THE FACT THAT THE COPS WERE PAID OFF TO LEAVE THE PLACE ALONE SO THERE WAS NEVER A FEAR OF A BUST. JUST DRUG-FUELED FUN ALONG WITH GREAT DJS. ITS A DETROIT THING; GREAT DJS AND TECHNO EVERY FUCKING NIGHT BUT NOT YOUR TYPICAL GLOW STICK BACKPACK GOOFY BOY SHIT, THIS WAS CLASSY AT TIMES AND A BIT MORE MATURE THAN WHAT THE EUROS DECIDED TO DO WITH AN AMAZING MUSICAL ART FORM. IT HELD CLASS AND WAS VERY RESPECTED, AS RESPECTED AS ANY EXCESSIVE DRUG USER COULD THROW OFF. I'M NOT SURE IF YOU HAVE EVER SUCKED DOWN A NITROUS BALOON WHILE ROLLING ON AN E TAB DOSED WITH LSD, BUT IT WAS MAGICAL. THERE'S A SMALL BLACKOUT AREA IN THE STORY HERE BUT I KNOW I WAS SUCKING DOWN A BALOON NEXT TO THIS WALL AND THE NEXT THING I KNEW MY AMAZING BEAUTY QUEEN FROM HEAVEN WAS STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME AS I GRASPED FOR WORDS. TRY SPEAKING AFTER YOU'VE JUST INGESTED NITROUS AND ALL THAT COMES OUT IS MIXED-UP GARBLE THAT WILL SEND YOU INTO A FIT OF LAUGHTER, BUT THIS WASNT FUNNY. I WAS CRUMBLING IN FRONT OF THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND ALL I WAS TRYING TO SAY WAS "I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU ALL NIGHT!", BUT I'M SURE IT CAME OUT SOMETHING LIKE "I'VE BWEEEENN WOOOOOKING FA EWWWWWWW LLLLLLLLLL NIGGGGGGGGGA" AND EMBARRASSMENT SET IN. I HAD THIS FEELING LIKE I WAS BLOWING IT AND IT WASNT A GOOD FEELING AT ALL; OVERWHELMED BY THE DOSE OF REALITY THAT ACID THROWS YOU, I WAS A COMPLETE MURMURING WRECK. BEFORE I COULD EVEN TRY TO PUT TOGETHER ANOTHER SENTENCE I FELT AN ARM ON MY SHOULDER FOLLOWED BY A LAUGH I COULD NEVER MISTAKE; IT WAS MY ROOMMATE CHRIS IVERY A.K.A. MAJORS. "KRAGER...WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" FOLLOWED BY A LOUD HEARTY LAUGH THATS ACTUALLY ONE OF MY FAVORITE CHARACTERISTICS OF MY FRIEND CHRIS. HIS LAUGH IS GENUINE; I MISS IT. AS THE NITROUS WAS WEARING OFF MY VISON STARTED TO COME BACK INTO FOCUS AND I SAW THAT I WAS STANDING IN THE MOST AKWARD AREA LOCKED INTO BLABBERING CONVERSATION WITH WHAT APPEARED TO BE A WALL. INDEED.....I WAS IN FRONT OF A WALL TRYING TO TELL IT HOW MUCH I WAS IN LOVE WITH IT BUT MY HEAD WAS TELLING ME A WHOLE DIFFERENT STORY. I ALSO BEGAN TO LAUGH WHEN I REALIZED HOW INSANE THE WHOLE EVE HAD BEEN WITH ME CHASING AROUND A NATIVE AMERICAN LOOKING WOMAN WHO WAS THE MOST GORGEOUS THING I'D EVER SEEN TO BECOMING A WALL HUMPING, DROOLING MANIAC. OH THOSE DETROIT NIGHTS. GOOD TIMES INDEED. THE NIGHT ENDED ON A FUNNY NOTE BECAUSE I WAS THE ONE WHO DROVE SO I HAD TO BUCK UP AND DRIVE OUR ASSES BACK HOME.MY LAST MEMORY IS TRYING TO KEEP MAJORS AWAKE BECAUSE I WAS SEEING LITTLE WHITE KIDS PLAYING WITH BEACH BALLS. AT 6 IN THE MORNING IN DETROIT...UMMMMM...FIRST OF ALL IT WAS DETROIT.....NOT TO MANY LITTLE WHITE KIDS RUNNING AROUND AND SECONDLY.....BEACH BALLS? HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO DETROIT? FUCKING BEACH BALLS!!! LOL.

Hipster X-Ray

2009-01-27T19:57:00.000-08:00

Posted by Joel

Browsing through Flickr I came across a pool where hipsters photograph the contents of their messenger bags and it?s at the same time voyeuristic, fascinating and predictable: http://flickr.com/groups/whats_in_your_bag/pool/

We've Made It To The Future

2009-01-24T19:54:00.000-08:00

Posted by Joel

Choose a drum track, musical style and mood then lay down your acapella singing and Microsoft SongSmith will create backing music for you automagically. I'm pretty sure computers writing music for us is one of the signs of the apocalypse or at least the death of music. On the bright side it makes for some pretty hot re-thinking of the classics as well, and we're all officially in a band.

The Doobie Brothers - "Long Train Running"

Download Microsoft SongSmith for free here and start working on that band name. I'll see you at the Casbah: http://www.download.com/Songsmith/3000-2170_4-10906765.html

Holiday Sweater Buying Guide

2008-12-04T19:52:00.000-08:00

Posted by Tommy D

It's that time of year again. You might be asking yourself, "Where do I find the best Holiday sweater?" Don't waste time asking this useless question, read this informative Sweater Buying Guide we put together below. It isn't as informative as it is more about how to handle your shit over the Holidays.

WALMART - I fucking hate this store! "What the fuck am I doing here?" I have to remind myself I have no other choice in getting the selection of gay and merry, but really mostly gay, holiday sweaters I can find here. The mother load of all sparkly reindeer, xmas tree, sleigh, and other assorted Aunt Ruth style designs. Vests, turtlenecks, vest turtle neck combo, and button up vests, but no matter what you can't go wrong with a sweater vest. The bigger the buttons the better. If they are something that isn't a button but is merely perpetrating like one then you are golden. Something like a bloated Santa head as a button is the Elvis glasses of Xmas sweaters.
Target - They have a minimal selection of sweaters here which sucks. If you have little time then go here but be prepared to have the same sweater as at least half the crew. Just know that you took the easy way out and those that bit there lip and went to WALMART are veterans of XMAS sweater war. They are going to get all the props and you can hang with the rest of the National Guard pussies. You didn't do time, you skipped the Xmas sweater draft. You are better just staying home and baking ginger bread cookie men fucking each other. Yeah, gay ginger bread men spraying icing on each other. You suck.
Things to remember:
This is a XMAS sweater we are talking about here. If you really try to find one that makes you look good you need to get the fuck off this website like now. Seriously, there is nothing cool about this shit, it is gay as fuck. The sooner you are comfortable with how gay you look in this gear the better. I'll admit, times are tight and buying a sweater and other gear for that Holiday Party can get pricy. Make sure that you find as many parties that you can rock your sweet gear off at as possible. Shit, if you really don't care just wear it everyday like you use to wear that favorite t-shirt and jeans you had. People will look at you weird at first but after a day or two they might be showing up rocking some new sweater too. You will smell funky but if you buy some Xmas tree smell aerosol spray you can soak yourself up and people will share their favorite memories of Christmas.
Other Accessories to Add Radness:
White Pants - These are diamonds in the ruff. Try a Salvation Army or second hand store. The women’s section is where I found mine. Yes, I wore and still wear my white female slacks on these special occasions. I am reminded how un-cool it is to be truly awesome.
Mustache - Fake ones are great if you have a left over Magnum PI or Ron Burgundy stache from Halloweeny but a real one really means you care.
Santa Hat - Great to start the night with but we live in San Diego and it is not cold enough to rock this all night. Shows you have some Santa in you and girls love the Claus man. They want what you are giving so make sure you pack in your Yule time log to warm it up later.
Reindeer Hat - Cool and amusing but like the Santa hat you aren't going to last. I'd recommend doing something cool with the hair that you can roll with all night. A nice part or slick back always adds that nice sweater party feeling and makes you feel like it is time for refills at the nog bowl.
Just remember that the Holiday time is about giving and when you get something really lame, to act like you are happy. Happy Holidays!

remember to point in photos. gives you that cool feeling like shit is going down. thumbs up, wave, high fives = good. save the middle finger and horns for non-Holiday events.

Good work on the staches and the movement in the shot.

Somebody love me it's Christmas.

At first I wanted to say that this guy is a classic Target sweater example until I saw her bangs. She really bangs.

MCTWISTS OFF LAUNCH RAMPS PT. 1

2008-10-15T19:50:00.000-07:00

Posted by Adam

THERE WAS A COMMERCIAL ON NOT LONG AGO THAT CAUGHT MY EYE. IT WAS FOR A SHOE COMPANY, VOX I BELIEVE AND IT SHOWED THE VIEW OF A YOUNG CHILD PEERING OUT OF A MINIVAN AT A GROUP OF SKATERS ABOUT TO BOMB A LOCAL HILL HERE IN SAN DIEGO. AS THE VAN DROVE BY YOU COULD SEE THE LOOK OF EXCITEMENT ON THIS CHILDS FACE AS HE WATCHED THE SKATERS ROLL BY. AFTER WHICH THE WORDS "EVERY SKATER REMEMBERS THE DAY THAT THEIR LIFE CHANGED" WERE ACROSS THE SCREEN AND THE COMMERCIAL ENDED. THOSE WORDS RAN THROUGH MY HEAD FOR DAYS AND I HAD TO AGREE; ANY TRUE SKATER OR TRUE MASTER OF ANY ART FORM DOES REMEMBER A MOMENT FROM THE PAST THAT STANDS OUT WHEN THEY EITHER CONSCIOUSLY OR SUBCONSCIOUSLY DECLARED THEMSELVES A SKATER, AN ARTIST, A WRITER,OR ANY OTHER SUB-SOCIAL CLASS THAT LIES MUCH OUTSIDE OF THE MAINSTREAM. IN THE COMMERCIAL IT WAS THAT MOMENT THE CHILDS BRAIN CLICKED AND HE KNEW WHAT HE WAS GOING TO BE IN LIFE, A SKATER. AT THAT MOMENT FOR PEOPLE LIKE US EVERYTHING ELSE BECOMES SECONDARY. HOMEWORK? WHAT'S THAT? POLITICS? I COULD GIVE A FUCK!! IF IT'S NOT RELATED TO SKATEBOARDING, GRAFFITI, SCULPTURE OR WHATEVER TRUE ART WE CHOOSE WE COULD CARE LESS, LEAVING BEHIND THE THOUGHTS OF "MAKING A LIVING" OR "SUCCESS" TO ONLY BE PURSUED BY THE COMMON. FOR US SUCCESS AND MAKING IT LIE IN A SIMPLE TRICK LANDED OR IN AN ART PIECE THAT WE WORKED SO HARD ON. THEN WE BECOME THE ART INSTEAD OF LOOKING AT IT IN SOME OUTSIDE MANNER MUCH LIKE THE CHILD IN THE COMMERCIAL BEFORE HE SAW THE SKATERS, OR THE HIGHSCHOOL 4.0 STUDENT STUCK IN THE BOX. WE BECOME WHAT WE KNOW WE WILL BE THE REST OF OUR LIVES AND THAT MOMENT IS RARE AND THERE ARE VERY FEW WHO UNDERSTAND IT AND WILL EVEN GRASP WHAT I'M WRITING HERE. WE ARE A SPECIAL BREED AND CHOSE LONG AGO TO NEVER LOOK AT THIS WORLD WITH THE SAME COMMON EYES THAT ACTUALLY SEE A CURB CUT AS A MARKER FOR DRIVING OR A DESIGN ON A TABLE AS A SIMPLE DESIGN AND NOT PEERING A BIT FURTHER TO SEE THE TINY LITTLE FACES IN THE DESIGN PEERING BACK AT US. WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF THE ARTIST. IT'S AS SIMPLE AS THIS: IF YOU INTRODUCE YOURSELF AS A DOCTOR, A FLIGHT ATTENDANT OR A SCHOOL BUS DRIVER YOU ARE THEN DEFINING YOURSELF ACCORDING TO YOUR JOB AND NOT WHO YOU TRULY ARE. WHEN YOU DEFINE YOURSELF AS AN ARTIST, A WRITER OR EVEN A SKATER YOU ARE INTRODUCING YOURSELF AS SOMETHING THAT YOU CANNOT GET FIRED FROM AND WILL NEVER LEAVE YOUR SOUL. THERE ARE NOT MANY HUMANS THAT CAN EVER DEFINE THEMSELVES SO SIMPLY, AND THOSE, IN ALL HONESTY, ARE MY FAVORITES BUT THERE IS SOMETHING TO BE SAID FOR THE MAN OR WOMAN WHO FIND THEMSELVES AT AN EARLY AGE AND TAKE A STANCE AGAINST THE NORM WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING IT AT THE TIME. THOSE ARE MY TRUE HEROES AND THEY SEEM TO BE THE SAME PEOPLE WHO LEAVE THEIR MARK RATHER THAN A DISTORTED VERSION OF SOMEONE ELSES. WITH THAT SAID, THERE IS A MOMENT THAT STANDS OUT FOR THIS TYPE OF PERSON WHETHER IT BE AN ART PIECE THEY SAW IN FOURTH GRADE OR A KID THEY SAW DO A BACKFLIP. THERE IS THAT MOMENT, AND MAYBE WE CAN ONLY SEE IT IN HINDSIGHT, WHERE WE SAW IT ALL CHANGE AND CHOSE THE OTHER PATH WITHOUT LOOKING BACK. CHEERS TO THE FEW THAT CAN LOOK BACK AND REMEMBER THAT FORK IN THE ROAD WHERE THEY TOOK THE PATH LESS TRAVELED. THE TYPICAL PATH IS SO TRAMPLED THESE DAYS IT'S TURNED INTO A PIT THAT PEOPLE ARE FALLING IN AS FAST AS THEY CAN BE BORN.

My Favorite Thing To Do In San Diego

2008-10-07T19:49:00.000-07:00

Posted by Colin

So what should I write about for my first attempt at a contribution to this blog mag called The Liar I thought to myself, but nothing really popped up for me. I figured I should write something about San Diego since the mag is based here and supports much about it in the ways of art, music, interpretive dance, etc., and as I anxiously ran through all the endless and bottomless influences on me, I kept coming back to my favorite thing here. It's not really anything special, which the special things always are, or even something San Diego specific, but it is here, and will most likely forever remain my favorite. My shower.
Now sure, San Diego has lots of other great things to offer to people; a fifteen minute drive to 14 year old Mexican hookers who will try to make you believe they are woman (worst day ever), Comic-Con, where you have a fifteen minute walk to 37 year old Klingon virgins, Nunu's, where I have a fifteen minute crawl home, and Santee, where you have fifteen minutes of your life gone and never to return. None of these however can compare to the joy I get out of showering in my shower. Think of all the wonderful things I can do in the shower. Now think about me doing them while making eye contact with you. See! Everyone wins! It's not an amazing shower, in fact it could be one of the worst in the whole of Mission Hills. For instance, just last week our toilet was backing up into it. That was fun, but not enough to change my mind about it's amazingness.
Maybe it is my great distaste for social anything above all else, or the simple fact I like to be alone, but something about being alone and completely comfortable lathering up my rippled body while eating old pizza beats a night at the Casbah anytime. I can cry in the shower, but still feel manly because I can blame it on my non baby shampoo. I can fuck in the shower with no fear of performing long enough, because we all know it's a quickie in there. I can jerk off in the shower while thinking about fucking in the shower. I can feverishly pass gas without the fear of lower intestinal after birth ruining tea time. I can lay down and take a nap in the same spot I just peed without a shameful feeling that someone might tell Mom. I can throw up all over myself with flagrant disregard for mine and the hand soaps own safety. I can rub a stinky mistake down the drain with my toe from farting a little too much while drinking a beer. The possibilities are endless of what i can do in that small slice of moldy heaven sent piece of crap my roommate and I call a bathroom.
The next time your in your shower, or in anyone's shower, particularly my shower, just think about how many people jerked off, puked, fucked, shit, spit, pissed, farted blood, and ate pizza in your crappy rented apartment's bathroom before you. Then maybe swimming in the ocean in Ocean Beach next two hundreds of hippies and bums won't be so bad after all.

THE LIAR ADVERTISING DEPARTMENT: VANS SLIP-ON SHOES

2008-09-24T19:46:00.000-07:00

Posted by Joel

The 5 reasons Vans Slip-Ons are better than what you're wearing (unless you're wearing Vans Slip-Ons)
1. Why tie shoelaces? That's like riding a horse to work or cutting your hair with a sharp rock. Come on people, live in the future with the rest of us.
2. You can wash them in the washing machine. Do everyone around you favor, swamp-foot.
3. You look like Ronald McDonald in those Chuck Taylors
4. It's like being able to wear slippers everywhere you go
5. Leather shoes, are you kidding me? Do you generally wear a lot of leather? There are some bars out there for people who share your passion for leather.
BUY VANS SLIP-ONS OR YOU'LL END UP RIDING A HORSE TO LEATHER BARS, LOOKING LIKE RONALD McDONALD AND SMELLING LIKE SWAMP-FOOT. VANS.

Review: San Diego Street Scene 2008

2008-09-21T19:41:00.000-07:00

Posted by Joel

The plan was to do a bit of pre-show mingling on the balcony of my friend's condo at the Icon building across the street from SS before any of the bands we wanted to see came on, but when we got there we realized just how good a vantage point the balcony was and so ended up missing MGMT and Foals and getting in just in time to catch the New Pornographers. Their records are pretty good but not spectacular and when we saw them at Coachella I thought they were kind of a weak show. Seeing them this time it was basically AC Newman and his backing band rather than the "indie super-group" they usually are. No Dan Bejar or Neko Case and after watching a couple songs we split. Maybe my palate has changed but the New Pornographers music sounds watered-down to me with the exception of Bejar's fake-Bowie contributions. Maybe it's something in the Molsen up North.
From there we headed to the beer garden and TV on the Radio, who put on a really good show. Seeing them at Coachella left me with a bad taste in my mouth but maybe the couple years practice have actually galvanized them into a band because the show sounded amazing. "Wolf Like Me" killed and so did "Staring at the Sun", which they bombed at Coachella but were now riding and humping, sounding incredible. Our friend had given us two double-something-with-vodka-fruit-juice-and-random-energy-syrup-nonsense which was the best bang for the buck drink-wise but a challenge to actually get down the gullet in time for the GZA. So we totally missed the GZA. But we did get to watch Spoon on the monitors who were putting on a great show. I'm all for the all-ages shows, but damn it there's nothing more annoying than being wrangled into a beer-pen instead of being able to watch the show I paid good money for. What chaos and mayhem would ensue if the all-ages crowd was subjected to seeing people walk around with beer, enjoying bands? So we caught a bit of Justice while we ate and then headed over to Vampire Weekend, who I haven't really listened to a lot of but the 3 or so songs I caught sounded really good. Maybe it was the stage being set in between two buildings giving it good acoustics, but they were one of the best sounding bands of the night.
I couldn't stay long though as I wanted to be in the front for Beck so we walked along the right-hand side of the crowd and ended up with a pretty sweet view for Beck, save the honkifarian in front of me flailing his goddamn dirty dreadlocks all over the place. Beck's band came out and all grabbed instruments and got down to business without any nonsense. Beck himself had an eerie Kurt Cobain thing going with a flannel tied around his waist, some kind of black jacket, t-shirt with jeans and bleached out hair. He started the set with "Loser" which caught me off guard. I felt like I was watching Beck 15 years from now at the Fairgrounds. I'll have kids and they'll just want to go hang out with their friends and smoke cigarettes behind the Gravitron and I'll be forcing them to the grandstand so we can watch Beck and trying to impart what an important musician he was. He'll come out with "Loser" and the crowd of 800 fat 40 and 50-somethings will all cheer wildly. So it seemed weird. He shot a "Hello San Diego, it's great to be here" and then jumped into "Nausea" and followed with a choppy version of "Nicotine and Gravy" as well as "Devil's Haircut", "Gamma Ray", "Timebomb" and "Modern Guilt". I ended up leaving about 3/4 of the way through the show, mainly because I was pooed but also because there's something really unsatisfying about seeing Beck live. Hear me out on this one because Beck is one of my all time favorites, but he just doesn't translate live. Beck makes amazing record after amazing record, but they're heavily reliant on samples and production, which just inherently can't translate to a live setting without some kind of DJ. I never thought I'd actually want a band to bring a DJ to their live show but Beck needs it. With a live band he's dropped down a few pegs. Still good, but not the experience one would expect.
DAY TWO
Fun. The first night had been a good time and all but Saturday after recouping and gathering strength we made it back to the condo in time for a couple quick Heineken listening to the end of Spiritualized and then it was down to the show to catch the Hives. I dismissed the Hives these past few years as being part of the post-Strokes "Let's sign a bunch of 'The *****s' bands" craze along with The Vines, etc. but they do have that Scandinavian ear for melody and in the past few weeks I've been starting to give them a lot more credit after listening to their quirky brand of rock n' roll. I figured they'd be a fun show and so we all headed straight for them when we got in, dodging the quicksand of the beer garden. We made a smart move because this was quite possibly the show of the night. The lead singer pranced around like Jagger in his prime, talked about how he loved San Diego and himself, leaped, strutted, flailed, postured and they played like giants crushing the crowd with their gigantic footprint. This was rock and roll as I remember it. No one was moping, no one taking themselves seriously, no one whining about how their parents never loved them but just a couple talented guys making catchy Euro-rock and having as much fun as possible with it. The audience responded and everyone I was with gave it the show of the night award.
From there we headed to the Casbah stage to catch the Night Marchers and get a drink. It was great seeing John Reis again and the Night Marchers are no Rocket but a solid continuation of the RFTC legacy. The live show didn't communicate all the strange quirks of the record which are what separate this band from being the second coming of RFTC, but it was still a great show none the less and the crowd was into them. We staked out our spot for the Eagles of Death Metal, who I've been a super-fan of since before their record came out and though I've seen them a number of times, each show satisfies. Here was more fun-loving rock n' roll done the right way and with mustaches. Strutting, vamping rock and roll with Jesse Hughes the lead singer proclaiming his love and adoration for the ladies of the audience and thanking everyone for coming to the show. EODM deliver the goods in a way that would make Little Richard and John Holmes proud, which is all they ever wanted.
The show had already been made for me by this point and I ended up drinking heavily with a professor of literature at SDSU and talking about books for a good long time until it was time to find our friends who were by the Sound Tribe Sector 9 stage. I have never heard STS9 and I have a natural aversion to anything expressly hippie-esque and especially techno-funk-hippie-hop and within the first two songs the smug hipster in me was calling bullshit and we got out of there to make it to DEVO. No disrespect to my friends who like STS9 but it didn't float my proverbial boat. DEVO was one I had been looking forward too and they killed it, propped it's dead body up and killed it again. They stomped around full of nerd-intent and put on an amazing show. Not watered down, not a fairground-shell of their once glory but the mighty DEVO running around and belting out every song with dorked-out abandon. They worked it like pros and I saw many rockers from other bands dancing around in front of where we were standing. Some interpersonal drama and weirdness transpired with some of the people we came with and so we ended up walking out about 10 min before their show ended, just long enough to stop at Man Man for a couple minutes before leaving and Man Man where putting down a pretty good set themselves. There were two separate groups of about 4 girls each absolutely getting down with themselves dancing and so I couldn't deny the success of what I was seeing. Hipsters were dancing? What was this? Good job Man Man. We left the show, got burritos and called it a good night.

GRADE 80s

2008-09-21T19:39:00.000-07:00

Posted by Adam

THESE ARE SOME OF MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS FROM THE 80'S THAT HAD A DIRECT INFLUENCE ON WHO I AM TODAY........
1. BOBA FETT/ SNAKE EYES.........NOW I PUT THESE TWO IN THE SAME CATAGORY BECAUSE THEY HOLD THE SAME STRANGE MYSTERY THAT A BOUNTY HUNTER AND A MILITARIZED NINJA WOULD. WE DONT KNOW WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE AND THEY HAVE SIMILAR MASKING /ARMOUR. I WOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY TO MAGICALLY WARP INTO EITHER OF THESE GUYS IN MY YOUNGER YEARS...... AND HEY....THERE ARE STILL MOMENTS WHEN I'D LOVE TO MASK MYSELF AND BOUNTY HUNT IN NINJA-LIKE SECRECY......WHO WOULDN'T?
2. MARTY MCFLY/ BACK TO THE FUTURE......HIGHEST GROSSING FILM OF 1985... AFTER SEEING THE HOVERBOARD AND RAISED TRUCK PARKED IN MARTY'S GARAGE AT THE END OF THE FILM......TELL ME YOU DIDNT WANT TO BE MARTY OR AT LEAST OWN ONE OF THESE TOYS. THIS FILM IS STILL ONE OF THE GREATS AND MICHAEL J FOX STILL RULES. IN FACT I'M GOING TO ALSO CREDIT THIS FILM FOR DRIVING ME TO SKATEBOARD.......IT JUST MADE IT LOOK WAY TOO FUN.
3. FRAGGLE ROCK......THE DOOZERS. WHAT THE FUCK WERE THESE THINGS? THE UNDERGROUND LITTLE GREEN MEN WORKING ON BRIDGES, TUNNELS AND ALSO HYDROELECTRICITY THAT RAN FROM FRAGGLE POND. WHO WOULD HAVE EVER GUESSED THE DOOZERS WERE "GOING GREEN" WAY BEFORE AL GORE DECIDED TO TAKE THE CREDIT. MUCH OPPOSITE OF THE FRAGGLES THAT CRAZILY SCURRIED ABOVE THESE LITTLE CREATURES THE DOOZERS WERE THE WORKER BEE BEHIND THE SCENES.....WELL ORGANIZED AND HANDLING SHIT WHILE THE OTHERS PLAYED. I COULD USE SOME DOOZERS TO HANDLE SHIT FOR ME.....MAYBE THAT'S WHO TAKE AUTO-PILOT DURING MY BLACK-OUT DRUNKEN RAGES.......A DOOZER'S IN MY HEAD.
4. SWEDISH CHEF.....TELL ME RIGHT NOW THAT THIS DUDE DIDNT MAKE YOU WANT TO THROW SHIT? IN FACT.....I'M BLAMING THE CHEF FOR THE 4 LAPTOPS THAT I'VE THROWN OUT OF COMPLETE SENSELESS ANGER VERY COMPARABLE TO THE MAN'S. "HUMDY...HUMDY.....BORK, BORK, BORK" ....AS SOON AS THOSE WORDS HIT MY EARS I WANT TO SEE SHIT FLYING.....UTENCILS, FOOD, AND YES.....EVEN THE OCCASIONAL LAPTOP. THERE NOTHING BETTER THAN MUTTERING WORDS OF NONSENSE WHILE HUCKING OBJECTS VIOLENTLY INTO THE AIR. MY LIFE STORY.
5. SNUFFLEUPAGUS......THIS ANCIENT LOOKING BEAST HALF SLOTH/ HALF WOOLY MAMMOTH WOULD SHUFFLE HIS WAY ACCROSS OUR LIVING ROOM TV WITH THE PERFECT STONY PACE THAT LAID THE GROUNDWORK FOR ME TO BECOME A FULL FLEDGED STONER. SLOW SPEAKING AND PRECISE HE WAS MODELED AFTER THE IMAGINARY FRIEND THAT WE ALL HAVE AND WAS A FRIEND TO BIG BIRD. I THINK MY IMAGINARY FRIENDS WERE A BIT SMALLER BUT JUST AS KIND AND GENTLE.....THIS IS WHERE I COULD TAKE A LESSON FORM THE OLD SNUFF.
6. STATLER & WALDORF........THESE TWO OLD BASTARDS ARE PARTIALLY TO BLAME FOR MY SARCASM AND SHIT TALKING. HOW GREAT IT WAS FOR THESE TWO!!!.......TO SIT IN A BALCONY FAR AWAY FROM THE OTHERS ONLY TO POINT OUT THE SHORT COMINGS AND MISHAPS OF THE OTHER CHARACTERS. IT REMINDS ME OF MYSELF SITTNG BEHIND THIS COMPUTER....TALKING MY SHIT.....JUST FAR ENOUGH AWAY TO PUSH BUTTONS BUT NEVER CLOSE ENOUGH TO FEEL THE REPERCUSSIONS. I LOVE IT AND I LOVED THESE TWO AS A CHILD. MY FAVORITE FUNNY MEN ALWAYS SEEM TO BE ASSHOLES.
7. ALF......ALIEN LIFE FORM. STARTING IN '86 WE HAD A NEW FORM OF ALIEN IN OUR LIVING ROOMS. OTHERWISE KNOWN AS ALF, THE BRAINCHILD OF NOVELIST AND SCREENWRITER JERRY STAHL, THIS ALEIN WAS CREATED OUT OF HEROIN ADDICTION AND DRUG ABUSE......JUST MY KIND OF ALIEN. I'D HAVE TO SAY THAT SOUNDS MORE LIKE A MUSHROOM SCENARIO THAN HEROIN BUT HEY.....WE ALL SEE DIFFERENT COLORS IN LA-LA LAND. THIS HAIRY CAT EATING FRIEND OF OURS BROUGHT US INTO THE 90'S WHERE A WHOLE NEW BREED OF CHARACHTERS TOOK OVER. I HAD A SPEAKING DOLL OF ALF THAT USED TO MURMUR SUCH QUOTES AS "GIVE ME FOUR" AND "HERE...KITTY KITTY"......... TWO QUOTES I USED FREQUENTLY THESE DAYS WHEN BUYING PILLS AND CHASING PUSSY.

When Xanax Replaces Herb

2008-09-11T19:34:00.000-07:00

Posted by Adam

I RECENTLY TRAVELED ACROSS THE UNITED STATES FROM CHICAGO TO SAN DIEGO HELPING A FRIEND MOVE. SHE AIDED IN MY HERBLESS TRAVELS WITH THE USE OF A TINY PILL CALLED XANAX. DROOPY EYED WITH HEAVY LEGS WE TRUDGED ACCROSS THIS GREAT COUNTRY IN HER CAR STOCKED WITH TRAVEL GOODIES AND EERIE POD CASTS.

CHICAGO. IF WINTER NEVER TOUCHED THIS PLACE I WOULD LIVE THERE IN A HEART BEAT. ALSO....REMEMBERING THE MID-WEST HOSPITALITY AND WITHOUT EVEN ASKING A FRIEND OF A FRIEND WALKED UP TO ME AND HANDED ME A CRUMPLED PIECE OF PAPER. NOT KNOWING THE CONTENTS I PEERED INSIDE TO FIND A PIECE OF FRESH HERB READY FOR SMOKING. GOD BLESS WEED KARMA..........YOU GET PAID BACK IN THE PERFECT MOMENT. NOT TO MENTION......THIS HAPPENED 15 MINUTES AFTER GETTING OFF THE PLANE.

BOULDER, COLORADO. WHILE I WAS CATCHING UP WITH FRIENDS MY TRAVEL BUDDY SEPARATED FOR A BIT TO DENVER WHERE THE DEMOCRATS WERE HOLDING THEIR NATIONAL CONVENTION. IN MY XANAX AND GIGGLE BUSH STUPOR I NOTICED THAT AFTER THREE DAYS OF BEING THERE THAT EVERYONE WAS TALKING POLITICS. DRINKING MY THOUGHTS AWAY IN A BAR CALLED THE SUNDOWNER I GOT TO A BOILING POINT WHERE I EXCLAIMED "WHY THE FUCK IS EVERYONE TALKING ABOUT BARACK AND POLITICS SOO FUCKING MUCH?" A WOMAN CLOSE TO ME POINTED OUT THE FACT THAT THE CONVENTION WAS GOING ON IN DENVER,CLOSE BY,WHICH I DID NOT KNOW UNTIL THAT MOMENT. SUDDENLY IT ALL CAME TO LIGHT......."HOLY SHIT.....I'M IN BARACK COUNTRY AND THESE ARE HIS FAITHFUL FOLLOWERS......OH GOD.......HOW AM I EVER GOING TO KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT?"..... OF COURSE IN TYPICAL ADAMANIAC FASHION I DRANK MYSELF INTO SCREAMING "RON PAUL" AND DISCUSSING MY VERSION OF WHAT THE ISSUES AT HAND TRULY ARE. NOW....I KNOW WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN TAKE ON THINGS BUT AFTER LISTENING TO THESE PEOPLE BARK QUOTES AND REPEAT EACH OTHERS MESSED UP VERSION OF WHAT I CONSIDER TRUTH A SONG BEGAN TO RING IN MY EARS. IT WAS PUBLIC ENEMYS DONT BELIEVE THE HYPE. I SAT BACK AND WATCHED HYPE WORK IT'S MAGIC ON A LEVEL I'VE NEVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. LET ME TELL YOU THIS.....THE MEDIA, MY FRIENDS, IS DOING AN AMAZING JOB OF SIMPLY CREATING A HYPE AND FOLLOWING IT ALL THE WAY TO RE-NAMING YOUR BAR (SEE PICTURE ABOVE). THEY SAY THAT XANAX LOWERS YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE AND AT THIS POINT ME MAKING IT OUTTA THERE WITHOUT HAVING A HEART ATTACK IS LIVING PROOF.....I'M SURE THE DRINK HELPED ME ALSO TOLERATE THIS MADNESS.

SOUP CAN PENIS. UTAH IS BEAUTIFUL.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO ONE OF THOSE GAS STATIONS OFF OF THE FREEWAY THAT SEEMS TO BE EITHER TRAPPED IN TIME OR A METH EPIDEMIC? WELL......WELCOME TO BOTH. AS WE PULLED INTO THIS PLACE I NOTICED THAT THIS WAS THE LOCAL HANG OUT SPOT WITH EVERYTHING FROM GRANDMA IN THE CHAIR TO THE LOCAL YOUTH BEGGING FOR DOLLARS. I WALKED INTO THIS PLACE ASKING WHERE THE BATHROOM WAS AND I'D HAVE TO SAY AT LEAST FOUR OF THE PEOPLE INSIDE JOLTED OUT IN METH-FED EXCITEMENT WITH FINGERS POINTING....."IT'S RIGHT OVER THERE." UPON PISSING AND THEN SHAKING OFF MY MANHOOD I THOUGHT TO MYSELF..."THESE KIDS ARE SURROUNDED BY THIS AND WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP." LOOKING BACK AND REMEMBERING A POINT IN MY LIFE WHERE HALF OF MY FRIENDS CHOSE TO SMOKE CRACK AND WEED, LEAVING ANY TALENT THEY MIGHT HAVE HAD BEHIND, WHILE THE OTHER HALF PICKED UP SKATEBOARDS, IT CAME TO ME. I APPROACHED THE LITTLE YOUNGSTERS AND REALIZED I RELATED MORE WITH THESE KIDS THAN ANYONE ELSE AROUND ME. I ASKED THEM IF THEY HAD A SKATEBOARD OR EVER SKATED. THE OLDER OF TWO BROTHERS SAID THAT HE HAD A BOARD AND HE LIKED SKATING. LOOKING AT THE YOUNGER OF THE TWO I DECIDED TO GIVE MY SKATE TO THE OLDER BROTHER ONLY IF HE HANDED HIS BOARD DOWN TO THE YOUNGER....SURE ENOUGH.....WE HAD A DEAL. WALKING AWAY ALL I COULD DO WAS HOPE THAT THIS SMALL GESTURE WOULD HELP THEM LOOK IN A DIFFERENT DIRECTION THAN A GLASS PIPE. I HOPE THEY'RE PRACTICING THEIR KICK FLIPS RIGHT NOW.
WENT TO SLEEP....IT WAS DARK........ WOKE UP TO THIS. IT'S AMAZING HOW SOMETHING SO BEAUTIFUL CAN MAKE YOUR HEART BEAT FASTER AND FLUTTER. MT. ZION

AGGRESSIVE LOOK. 2 HOUR QUAD TOUR. MT ZION

BEFORE ENTERING SAN DIEGO WE SAID WE'RE NOT GOING TO STOP IN VEGAS. WELL....IT'S AMAZING WHAT SEEING SOME LIGHTS OFF IN THE DISTANCE AND A LITTLE PEP TALK CAN DO TO A PERSON. WE STOPPED. THIS IS DAYS INTO EATING XANAX AND PROBABLY HAVING SUBTLE WITHDRAWS FROM CANNIBUS WHICH I'M NOT USED TO EITHER. THE BELLS, THE LIGHTS, THE PEOPLE, THE SMELL OF CIGARS, THE LIONS, THE TIGERS, THE BEARS,....OH MY........I HAD A VEGAS MELT DOWN. I COMPLETELY LOST IT. FREAKING OUT AND YELLING TURNED INTO SADNESS AND LOSS OF REASON FOR NO GOD DAMN REASON AT ALL SO IM GOING TO JUST BLAME IT ON THE COMBINATION OF ALL OF THESE FACTORS. ONE THING I LEARNED AT THIS POINT IS THAT HAVING A GOOD TRAVEL FRIEND WHO UNDERSTANDS YOU IS KEY. I WOKE UP TO THE BEST SUGGESTION I'D EVER HEARD AFTER ONE OF MY DRUG AND ALCOHOL FUELED RAGES....."WOULD YOU LIKE TO SPEND SOME TIME AT THE SPA WITH A MASSAGE.....ON ME?" I QUICKLY STATED YES AND OFF I WAS TO DECOMPRESS AND GET MYSELF BACK IN ORDER. GOD BLESS GOOD FRIENDS AND GOD BLESS AMERICA........FUNNY PART.....I'M NOT SURE IF I BELIEVE IN GOD BUT I NOW KNOW THAT I BELIEVE IN HERB AND XANAX IS NO REPLACEMENT.

4 AM IN THE MORNING. WINDOW FROM THE MGM. WAKE UP.......GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE.

Anarchy

2008-08-28T19:30:00.000-07:00

Anarchy pt. I: Philadelphia

Anarchy
n., pl. -chies.
1. Absence of any form of political authority.
2. Political disorder and confusion.
3. Absence of any cohesive principle, such as a common standard or purpose.
[New Latin anarchia, from Greek anarkhiā, from anarkhos, without a ruler : an-, without; see a–1 + arkhos, ruler; see –arch.]*

I saw some video the other day about the "New Anarchist" movement in Philadelphia. Note: I'll try to refrain from using quotes everywhere I use the word "Anarchist" but it's going to be difficult as the vast majority of the "Anarchists" I've seen were living quite comfortably off of their parents/friends, working some "Capitalist" job or bumming money and food from others. One of the head Anarchists was a chubby guy in his mid-20s with a tweeker cut (a ponytail with the head shaved short on either the side like a 17 year old Korn fan), bad skin and a shoddy goatee. He was talking about how Philadelphia was the birthplace of America so it's only natural it should be the birthplace of the Anarchist revolution. Let's not even get into the fact he's proclaiming himself part of the birth of the Anarchist Revolution. When pressed for what it was exactly he was fighting for he said "I'm fighting against Capitalist Repression" (even though he was holding a Pepsi), and that the goal of the Anarchist movement is to show that you can survive without any cops, teachers, politicians, bosses or anyone in charge. Wow, awesome plan. I'm all for different ways of living but I want to see people with realistic answers and pragmatic plans, not chubby suburban tool-bags waving the flag of an ideology that's on par intellectually with a toddler. Or at least on par with a 14 year old pubescent dork with a Sharpie getting his hands on "Never Mind the Bollocks" for the first time(great record by the way).

...........

Anarchy pt. II: Berlin

There is an amazing squatter population in parts of Europe. When I was in Berlin last year it appeared to weigh in at about 25% of the general population. Go to neighborhoods like Kreuzberg and every building is spray painted from top to bottom; some with banners for the websites and myspace pages of artists who live in the previously abandoned buildings. There's no need to go to bars when you can walk down the street and follow the music into some Soviet-era apartment building where squatters have turned every room into some kind of cash bar/dance party. I found an old red-brick military base on the river that had been overrun by squatters and where there was a makeshift bar with a patio and $2 beers, a skate park in one building, a rock wall in another and countless parties going on in the rest of the buildings. It was a Tuesday night and there were small groups of people being eerily illuminated by the old flood lights smoking weed, playing music and walking from building to building. We were walking around in amazement when a parade of ambulances came in to the compound and someone was pulled out of the skate park on a stretcher which led to a general melee so we headed back to a much more capitalist, although Big Lebowski themed bar.

............

Anarchy pt. III The Free People's Republic of Christiania

D had told A and H that my wife and I were rare examples of dignified Americans, the kind that don't wear sports apparel and with whom you could hold a civilized conversation about topics beyond primetime television programming. It was our second night in Copenhagen and we had been casually drinking beer since lunch and were still carrying cans of Tuborg as we walked to their apartment in the center of the city. Their apartment was a large, street level one bedroom with hardwood floors and big windows that opened right onto the main street. We were introduced and started drinking wine straightaway with A playing me Scandanavian bands on his iPod and H in the kitchen getting dinner ready. He was telling me about BMX and how he had been organizing races and getting tracks set up all over Europe and his hope was to see BMX come into the mainstream in Scandanavia. We were having a great time and by the time the food came out I was getting dangerously drunk from the wine. We had an amazing meal and then press-pot coffee which woke me up but the damage was done and it was taking everything in me not to turn into a drunken werewolf in front of this generous and refined couple, flipping over the table and running off into the night. Must remain civilized.... I was thinking about this when A got a call on his cellphone from a friend who was going to a show in Christiania and so stuffing our pockets with Tuborg we left their place and headed to Christiania, drinking on the subway and with A telling me about the British committing an act of terrorism in the 17th century by bombing Copenhagen's harbor. After walking along a long stone wall for a couple hundred yards we came to the large wooden sign reading "CHRISTIANIA - You are now leaving the EU" and on either side were large concrete barricades used to keep out the police.

You can learn about the place here: Current.tv Videos and thread about Christiania but essentially it's an old Danish military base that squatters claimed in the 1960s and saw as the perfect opportunity to create a new society from the ground up as the base had basically all the necessary means for a self-contained society. So the hippies and anarchists claimed it as a free nation independent of Denmark and the government let them have it as they actually have protection and rights there and in other parts of Europe. They also set up an impressive hash trade and there was a street called "Pusher Street" where vendors would sit at folding tables and sell hash and weed. Things were going dandy until a few years ago when someone got killed in a gang fight, which brought on the heat and the police conduct regular raids now. On muiltiple occasions however the citizens of Christiania have effectively fought the police off, barricading the gates and lobbing Molotov cocktails and huge rocks at them, and so the police and citizens of Freetown have stuck a kind of uneasy balance.

We got through the gates and walked around the spray painted buildings a bit and after talking to A's friend we walked up a spray-painted staircase into a large two story building. On the top floor we paid a cheap cover and walked into the main hall where bands were playing and beer was something like $1.50 U.S., so we got huge beers and made our way toward a long bar by the stage. They were projecting films and images of the citizens fighting off the police in a raid, and in fact the entire show was a memorial for some large raid that had happened two years earlier. The bands were all pretty sub-par and one band had skateboards all over the stage and hats of different U.S. sports teams, doing some form of confused rap. When you travel abroad you realize two things: 1) our vapid American culture is sadly everywhere and 2)it's not quite American culture but more like a diluted, confused version of our culture. It's like the game Telephone but with popular culture. The whole scene was totally surreal and at one point I was talking to this random guy smoking a hash joint and he asked where I was from. When I told him California he lit up like a pinball machine and said he wished he could move there and the he was jealous of me for living in the coolest place in the world, while I was jealous of this dork for taking for granted a kind of dumb freedom we could never enjoy in California without a massive police presence shutting the place down and shooting everyone in sight within 2 minutes of the first amplified riff. I said "Yeah and in California we dance like this" and started throwing my arms up in the air and flailing around wildly. He started doing the same and I spotted him a few minutes later doing my California seizure dance towards the front of the stage. I can only hope it's spread like wildfire. We left Christiania like sailors on shore leave, arm in arm and with me screaming "Ya elska Christiania!!", "Ya elska hashish!" and the Electric Six song "Gay Bar" but replacing every other "Gay Bar!" with "Denmark!". We walked into a bar, bought a round of beers and walked outside with them because the bar was so packed. Then we decided to head back to A and H's place so we just took the beers with us, and we all drunkenly went up to the attic where they said a ghost lived (to the chagrin of their neighbors) but I was the scariest thing up there by far and we went to bed.

- Joel

*Dictionary. The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition Copyright © 2007, 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2007. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

It's so cold in the D.....

2008-08-25T19:30:00.000-07:00

-Adam